Comments on: Losing it

By: Buffy tapp

Buffy tapp — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 03:12:01 +0000

They persued on inside speaking loudly police officers police officers….I hit the floor running,crying..blindly running for the door..in that few seconds of horror I thought what are they about to tell me..is Justus okay? I knew immediatley it had something to do with Justus my at the time 6 yr old autistic child. Soon as I got to the door I saw him sitting on th erring steps with my close neibors..I ran out and grabbed him sobbing thank you god thank you god..why are you out here? No response..he was kinda stemming..I said you do not ever go outside alone. The officers inside had skiable dad against the wall thinking he could be an intruder then after the all clear..Raymond took the officers through the house showing them our locks . They by law had to call Dss..I heard them o speaker phone. He asked me how many children do we have? I have a 2 yr old son too..I sobbed..are my children in danger of being taking from me ? Am I in trouble? It was a nightmare. The officers at first were very Angry..but after talking to us calmed down. Officers said they may or may not investigate.they told the social worker over the phone they had no other prior incidents with this family. I cried for a entire week. I would breakdown..while washing dishes..anything.we were never investigated. I tried to get a police report but could not because if a minors name is on it you cannot get one though it was my child ..I cannot get it without a court order. I heard through some neibors who the neibor was that followed him that night. I went down with a pamphlet on autism and thanked for for saving my child’s life.
My son had made it all the way to that gas station we ride him on the golf cart too and it is beside a busy freeway..it
was so dangerous for him to be out o the middle of the night ..I changed all our deadbolts to keyed deadbolts,screwed all the windows shut,wired the house with act security,put up a wooden privacy fence and padlocked all gates with the locks on the outside of fence. I have been to a funeral to a child who got out. I think of that sometimes and wonder about that night..I am so thankful I got a second chance. I luv you Justus.

By: Buffy tapp

Buffy tapp — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 02:54:58 +0000

I have a 8 year old son with autism. He is up to one word request as far as language. I put this French locks at the top of every door thinking he was not big enough to open them. We ride him to a country gas station about a mile our house for a treat for completely homework. He was 6 years old and one night decided to get up while the house was sleep. He took a kitchen chair placing it next to the front door and opened all locks exiting the house closing door himself. He walked straight down the road stopping at a neibors house to rub a cat..she heard something..got up and looked outside seeing a small child out at 1am. She came outside trying to communicate and he ignored her. She did not recognize him for he never runs and plays alone with other neiborhood kids. She followed behind with the car and it’s emergency flashers on. She called 911. He got 1 mile away almost to that gas station we ride him to for a treat. It took 3 sheriffs to catch him. They followed this neibors back to her house where she originally saw him and pointed them the direction he came from. They went door to door..knocking..my close by meow IRS came outside recognizing Justus in the back of the cruiser outside in their driveway. They came out in a frenzy..telling police he lives across the street. They followed police over..the wife soothing Justus..they knocked and no answer..my neibors said go in go in something is bad wrong..he would not be outside like this unless something is bad wrong. The police turnedthefront doorknob and opened the door went. The sofa cushions where on the floor because I let the children jump and play in them before we turned in for the night. The officers saw things dishoveled

By: Buffy tapp

Buffy tapp — Sat, 18 Jun 2011 02:49:57 +0000

I have a 8 year old son with autism. He is up to one word request as far as language. I put this French locks at the top of every door thinking he was not big enough to open them. We ride him to a country gas station about a mile from our house for a treat for completely homework. He was 6 years old and one night decided to get up while the house was sleep. He took a kitchen chair placing it next to the front door and opened all locks exiting the house closing door behind himself. He walked straight down the road stopping at a neibors house to rub a cat..she heard something..got up and looked outside seeing a small child out at 1am. She came outside trying to communicate and he ignored her. She did not recognize him for he never runs and plays alone with other neiborhood kids. She followed behind with the car and it’s emergency flashers on. She called 911. He got 1 mile away almost to that gas station we ride him to for a treat. It took 3 sheriffs to catch him. They followed this neibors back to her house where she originally saw him and pointed them the direction he came from. They went door to door..knocking..my close by meow IRS came outside recognizing Justus in the back of the cruiser outside in their driveway. They came out in a frenzy..telling police he lives across the street. They followed police over..the wife soothing Justus..they knocked and no answer..my neibors said go in go in something is bad wrong..he would not be outside like this unless something is bad wrong. The police turnedthefront doorknob and opened the door went. The sofa cushions where on the floor because I let the children jump and play in them before we turned in for the night. The officers saw things dishoveled

By: Dianna

Dianna — Mon, 02 May 2011 16:14:11 +0000

When my son was 3 years old, he was still not diagnosed with autism. He was always verbal but back then, he could not answer any questions. He would just go on and on about whatever was on his mind and half of what he said was just gibberish. He had a bad habit of wandering off at the time. I came to pick him up one day from my mom’s house from work and made the mistake of letting my guard down for a minute and having a conversation with my mom and out the he went without even so much as a whisper.

My whole family went out and looked for him and a few minutes later I got stopped by a very angry policeman in his cruiser asking me if I was looking for a little boy. I told him yes. He told me that a lady two blocks down and one block over had found him and called the police and venomously said that I’d better get over there and thank her. I went to the lady’s house and found her standing in her front yard and there was another police cruiser parked at the curb with my son in the front seat.

I was humiliated, I was scared, I was afraid the police would take my son away from me and put him in a foster home. I started crying and the lady who found my son came over to comfort me and tell me that she did did not judge me and that she was not angry with me. She told me that things like this happen all the time and she was not upset at me at all, but she just didn’t know what to do with this little boy that she had found because he couldn’t tell her where his mommy was so she had no choice but to call the police.

I thanked the kind woman profusely and the policeman got my son out of his car and said some very angry words about how this had better NEVER happen again, but if it did I was to call the police directly because they handle cased where kids wander off all the time and there would be 3 or 4 police cruisers out looking for him instead of just a few people on foot. He told me I was damn lucky my son didn’t get hit or kidnapped or somthing. He made me feel like an unfit mother.

But my son wandered off 2 more times in the next 2 weeks and by the third time the police had had it and literally threatened to have my son taken away from me if it happened one more time. After that, I literally put my house on lockdown. A chain lock for the screen doors in both my house and my mom’s and they were ALWAYS locked. My son has mostly grown out of that phase now but those were terrifying times.

By: maureen mccarry

maureen mccarry — Mon, 13 Sep 2010 13:48:24 +0000

Very realistic and down to earth story that I can relate to. Thank you for writing this I don’t feel so alone with our son after reading your storey becaue it is so much like what has happened in our home. I really appreciate your
writing. Very moving to read and I wish you and your family the best. I also sent this to extended family members because It may help for them to understand why we have the same issues in our family.

By: Sheri Mcmahon

Sheri Mcmahon — Sat, 28 Aug 2010 16:08:56 +0000

I came to the motherlode blog via someone I know who is involved, as I am, in child welfare activism, and then came here. I can’t help but this of the “Parenting under Scrutiny” blog entry from the other day. Your family was very lucky. Very few officers I have seen would have responded as this one did. My son has Tourette’s (and several other diagnoses that often accompany TS) and was cussing up a storm one July 4 while, unbeknownst, two officers were outside the door to investigate a report of firecrackers going off (yes, my son had done some. . . but the household across the street, which blew off several hundred dollars’ worth of fireworks and left the litter in the street, was not visited by boys in black) They apparently heard the commotion and decided to listen for awhile before knocking, so the first thing we had to deal with was interrogation about my son’s outbursts. It was a close call. One officer was very hostile, I tried telling him about the Tourette’s, he didn’t like being interrupted and was about to handcuff me. They backed off, but not in a compassionate fashion, when I ended up lecturing them.

A single, poor (on disability herself) parent with a son with Asperger’s I know was on waiting lists for services (such as respite care) for months. She went to the county to press the issue and was told they could help if she agreed to admit deprivation. No thanks, she said–she knew better. Still waiting for services, she started calling the cops when Richard had a meltdown and started hitting. They started getting annoyed and one day told her if she let him stay in attendant care for 3 days without picking him up, he would get the help he needed. Ok, she decided. From there it turned out to be a quick trip to what turned out to be an abusive foster home before he was placed in another foster home 90 miles away. No psychiatrist, just drugs prescribed long-distance by a doctor he had seen once a year before he was taken into custody. No therapy. They toughed it out for a year before he turned 18 on a visit home, and stayed. He has two years of h.s. left. He will be testifying before a legis committee in September (he’s very articulate on paper and will read his testimony).

If you had lived in public housing or most rental property, the broken sheetrock could get you evicted. And that afternoon your son would have quickly gone into “protective custody” followed by a CPS investigation concluding you and your husband were unable to “meet the child’s special needs.” The “crazy” gesture would have been marked as inappropriate, possibly psychological maltreatment, although the judge would likely have just scolded you and brushed it off.

This is not to minimize the exhaustion, the pain, the worry, the stress–or the joys. But it is interesting that you felt reasonably secure in calling 911 and the outcome justified your willingness to do so.

By: Pamela

Pamela — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 05:06:47 +0000

This story mad me cry too. I have been through many days like this with my 4.5 yr old son. Just last week he started hitting and kicking strangers on the subway and when he was three, he went through a phase where he would try to hit every single little girl he saw (it became an obsession–the more we restrained, the more he felt compelled to do it). We couldn’t, and still can’t, take him anywhere, because his mood changes on a dime and he can start getting aggressive at any time. I’m exhausted from always being on guard.

Other families don’t understand the luxury they have that they can go virtually anywhere with their child, without fear. I have a “typical” younger son now and it’s like night and day. I never knew until this year how easy motherhood was for other women.

I pray the symptoms my older son faces will ease up with time and therapy. It breaks my heart how hard it is for him to make/keep friends and I have a horrible sinking fear that he will end up like Matthew, lonely and better able to relate to adults than other kids. I would go to the ends of the Earth to make a normal childhood happen for my son.

I just want to give poor Matthew a hug!

By: Sharon

Sharon — Tue, 03 Aug 2010 03:47:36 +0000

I would also really love 2 read TEN THINGS EVERY CHILD WITH AUTISM WISHES YOU KNEW also!! I also have a 4 yr old son w/ autism. He isn’t very violent but every once in awhile when he gets mad enough when your in his eyes messing with his stuff he definatly hits, kicks, & scratches, & most scary 2 me lately only twice he put someone else arm in his mouth when he was mad,& acted like he was gonna bite but only did lightly as if it was a warning 2 the person who was in his space. I really hope 2 keep control of this as he gets older also!!! & fear for what could happen if i can’t!!!!

By: Sandra Kaye

Sandra Kaye — Sat, 17 Jul 2010 17:07:21 +0000

simply moving. and so glad you would share your story! i really would like to read your book TEN THINGS EVERY CHILD WITH AUTISM WISHES YOU KNEW. I would love to be able to understand my son more. All of his frustration and anger becomes my pain on a daily basis. I fear mostly for what school will bring as far as being bullied and/or picked on. That is something I won’t tolerate, but am ready to fight for him at any given moment. I know one day he will find his voice and tell me what he wants me to know. He speaks random verbal words. but that, to me, is great, because I know he has potential. He is smart, he just doesn’t know how to get it out. I got him his own home just so he can be himself and no one can tell him to be quiet or any thing like that. He needs the freedom to be himself and he is getting more aggressive about hitting himself. I really do want to thank you for making the facebook profile, or else I would have never gotten to read this. Look forward to reading your book also!! THANK YOU! :-]

By: Dawn

Dawn — Tue, 13 Jul 2010 03:28:40 +0000

I too, think this is an amazing story. It ‘hits’ home for me. My son is 4.5 years old with Autism. We were leaving my parent’s house and my son had a meltdown. I picked him up and he punched me in the face. The day prior, he pulled my hair with both hands, hit, kicked, scratched and bit me, during in home therapy. This happens on a regular basis.

It is heart breaking. All I can think of is – What am I going to do when he hits me harder at age 15?

You are not alone!